There's more to life than cars
by LoraLeiRiddle
Summary: but they're a good place to start.  Our favourite Top Gear presenters have a dilemma. James feels lonely, Jeremy's in love and Richard thinks that they should all start looking properly. Contains slash  malexmale . Don't like, don't read!
1. Chapter 1

**Alright, I know strictly speaking that RPS (real person slash) isn't acceptable but I love Top Gear so so so much that I couldn't ignore this any longer. So here it is! Hope you like slash and if you don't, get the hell outta here before I start throwing chairs. Review nice! Don't flame!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these gorgeous boys. I wish I was Mrs James May though.**

**There's more to life than cars, but they're a good place to start.**

James cursed Richard Hammond for the third time that morning. The 'stupid brummy rodent' as James was now mentally calling him had decided that Top Gear should go all out for Valentines Day and have a romantic masquerade ball. Everyone on the team could bring a partner and celebrate the fluffy pinkness of the over-commercialised holiday. Unfortunately, James May had been the only one to oppose this idea. He had a good reason – nobody to go with. For ages, he had boasted to the others about a free lifestyle, no wife and kids to tie him down, but every year the 14th of February seemed to remind him how lonely his life could get. Clarkson and Hammond had their wives and kids to keep them company when it got tough. James had his cat and the local pub. He'd tried the dating scene, had tried getting to know one or two really nice girls, but they just never seemed to click right with him. It was like a jigsaw and the pieces didn't seem to fit together properly.  
Cursing at the sky again, James stubbed out his cigarette and headed indoors. Filming for three more hours might help lift his mood.

Jeremy felt completely ecstatic when Hammond had suggested the stupid ball. Richard knew how Clarkson felt about a particular member of the team and finally he had a chance to make his feelings known. He was so happy he could have hugged the Hamster! Although Richard would most likely have punched him.  
It was unknown to most, but Jeremy and his wife had sadly decided to go their separate ways. It was a clean split and the children saw both of their parents as the two were still friends. They just weren't lovers any more. And when Jeremy had told Richard about his feelings for a new person Richard had told Mindy who had, of course, passed it on to Francie. Who had graciously wished him the best of luck in the future (Jeremy briefly wondered whether she had begun to see anyone else.) There was a small problem though. However brash and confident Jeremy seemed on screen, he could never quite feel that same air of power when discussing his emotions. Especially to people he really REALLY liked. He sighed, heading back towards the stage. Maybe another three hours of filming could help him figure out the best way to handle things at the ball.

"For God's sake, I don't see why this is so important!"  
"Just trust me, it really is! You want to look good don't you?"  
"I don't see the point."  
"JAMES!" Richard had been arguing to get his friend into the suit shop for half an hour. He wanted James to look and feel good at the ball, regardless of who was or wasn't going with him. James felt that even if he turned up in his usual jeans and jumper, nobody would notice. "I can guarantee that the more you look like you've made an effort, the more people will notice. You never know, you might catch someone's eye as we're all allowed to bring a few extra guests."  
"But, Richard, I don't like standing out!" James protested as Richard dragged him into the shop. The Hamster was certainly stronger than he looked!

After what seemed like a century of being measured and trying on different suits, James finally stepped out of the cubicle to be greeted with -  
"Wow! I mean it that looks really good on you!" Looking over his simple black suit, with a thin black tie (complete with two grey thin stripes at the bottom for design) James had to admit – maybe he would look better all scrubbed up at the ball. The new black brogues Richard had picked out really finished the whole thing off. Hammond beamed, obviously very pleased with himself.  
"Right, now wardrobe is sorted, lets move on to hair!"  
"No! No, lets just leave my hair." Richard shrugged.

"Suit yourself. Maybe it does look okay left alone. But you may want to run a brush through it before the big night." Chuckling, James paid for his new clothes and left with Richard. Shopping with Hammond wasn't so bad; the shorter man did know what looked good after all.

"ARGHHHH!" The cry erupting from the other room had Richard running in, only to stop at the doorway and cry with laughter at Clarkson's attempts to put his suit on. Half in, half out of the trousers, with only half the shirt buttons done the wrong way up and his jacket not even out of the protective sleeve, the tall man obviously needed some help.  
"Come here." Richard sighed, helping his friend to stand up straight, before waiting for Clarkson to dress properly and stand upright.  
"Perfect. And the tie is definitely a nice touch." Jeremy's tie had two green stripes at the bottom instead. Richard had gone for ice blue stripes (arguing 'they look so mature and different!') making all three boys stand out from each other slightly. Sighing with relief, Jeremy started to remove his jacket and shoes, glad the dressing up session was over.  
"Whoa, don't crease them already!" Richard shouted impatiently, hurrying over before the new jacket could touch the floor. Clarkson was really beginning to regret asking for fashion advice.


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm back baby! Hoping you enjoy chapter two of this lovely little Top Gear fic. It's an amazing story how the idea for this came to me really. Basically… I can never find ANY decent lemony Top Gear fics. The good ones are always blocked by people who want you to be their friend first. I think fiction should be free for all to read, not for people to try and get more friends on their page! That's why all my fics will be free range! (Only thing I don't allow – unknown people commenting on the stories, but that's coz one idiot ruined things for the rest of you by being an arrogant prick and thinking he was all clever. Bastard.) Anyway, enjoy!  
Disclaimer: See chapter 1.**

**Chapter 2.**

The first thing James May thought when he woke up was; _'I really need a shower.' _The second thought that went through his head was; '_Oh cock.' _Today was the dreaded Valentine's day ball. _'Perhaps, if I just stay indoors, they won't notice I'm not there.' _That plan went fine, until about 4 o' clock, when Richard Hammond turned up, new suits in the back of his Porsche, chirping excitedly.  
"Come on! Upstairs, run the shower, I'll get everything ready down here."  
"Now wait a minute, what are you doi-!" James was cut off.  
"Nope! I knew you wouldn't come to the ball if I didn't make you, now get up! I have your suit and everything!"  
"But it doesn't start till 8 Hammond!"

Walking downstairs, buttoning up the shirt and trousers Richard had left on the bed for him, James noticed the smaller man was already dressed and making tea. He collapsed into a kitchen chair, sighing with happiness at the hot mug of tea placed in front of him. Sipping it gently, he noted that the time was 6.30pm. One and a half hours until this ridiculous party began. And a further two hours until he could leave quietly without being noticed. Richard noticed his sour mood.  
"What's up mate?" He asked gently. James really wanted to shout at him, how much more obvious can it get! But instead he shook his head and replied.  
"I just don't feel up for this thing." Richard smiled at him and sighed, pushing away from the counter to finish his own mug and start putting things in the sink.  
"Well, if you don't want to go, you really don't have to. But you honestly will regret it if you don't." James felt like he'd had a 'get out of jail card free' waved in his face and suddenly been given the choice of that or keeping his best property on monopoly. He sighed heavily and got up to go and put the rest of his suit on. Richard grinned happily when he heard a muttered, "Fine, I'll go." From behind. Nothing will mess tonight up.

Jeremy was frowning at his watch and checking the doors occasionally.  
_'WHY does Richard always insist on being fashionably late!' _He needed his shorter friend to arrive soon, before he lost his courage about his plan. Suddenly, the doors next to him opened and in burst the shorter man, dragging a grumpy looking James May along behind him.  
"Ahh, there's Jeremy!" Richard turned to wave at the older man excitedly, who simply sighed and put his drink down on the table behind him.  
"Really Hammond? You had to be late tonight?"  
"Had to make an entrance!" The Hamster grinned excitedly. "Excuse me, I have to quickly find Mindy and let her know that I am still here!" He dashed off into the crowd. James moved to grab a drink and started the conversation first.  
"I hate these things." Jeremy snorted in surprise.  
"I would've thought a formal, gentlemanly style ball would have been first on your list of things to attend?" James shook his head.  
"No, it's the fact that its Valentines day. A rubbish holiday that's unnecessary and a waste of time and money? Why do you need a special day to tell somebody you love them?" Jeremy nodded his head in agreement there. Valentine's had always sucked, no matter who he'd spent it with or where they'd been on the day.  
"Anyway, where's your wife? I would've thought she'd be here, celebrating with you?" Jeremy stared in shock and then burst out laughing. He'd forgotten he hadn't told James about his divorce.  
"I'm sorry, I never said! We got a divorce a couple of weeks ago. Nothing major, just felt like it was time to end something that wasn't going anywhere." Now it was James' turn to look shocked.  
"Oh, I see." A silence fell over them a little, until Richard came bounding back over.  
"Everything going alright?" he said cheerfully. Grabbing the short brunette by the arm, Jeremy motioned an 'I'll be right back' sign to James and pulled the younger man near the smoking exit.  
"I can't think straight, I don't know what to do and I know I am definitely not dancing because there are A LOT of people here and this cant go public… yet." Jeremy finished. Richard grinned and smoothed down his jacket.  
"Don't worry mate. I have the perfect escape planned for you." For some reason, this made Jeremy even more worried than he had been before.

An hour or two of general chatting and joking went by before Jeremy looked at his watch.  
"Well, it's been good, but I reckon I should be leaving now. If I stay any longer, I'm afraid I'll only be able to see in pink and sing mushy love songs all the time!" James laughed.  
"Yeah, I better look for Hammond, so I can get my lift back!" At the sound of his name, Richard put his plan into action. He stumbled and slurred a little, letting his wife pull him along. "Ah. Maybe I'm walking then." James sighed.  
"There's no need for that! I'll drive you back; I haven't had much at all to drink tonight." James looked up in surprise.  
"Oh, thanks mate! I wasn't really looking forward to a long walk home!" The two men chuckled, waving good night to everyone as they departed.

As Jeremy pulled into James' driveway, the younger man shook his hair back and undid his seatbelt.  
"Well, thanks a lot for the lift home. See you on Monday?" Jeremy grinned.  
"Definitely." James turned a little to open the passenger door, when Jeremy suddenly stopped him. "If I do something completely crazy, will you never talk to me again, or do you think you could get over it." James looked at him thoughtfully for a moment and then replied.  
"I think I could get over it. Depends on what it was really." Jeremy breathed deeply and suddenly leaned over.  
"Don't move." Was the only whispered warning James got before Jeremy – Jeremy Clarkson! James' head was screaming – kissed him on the mouth. James found himself leaning into the kiss a little. He couldn't deny, it felt good to have some attention on him for once. When the two men broke apart for air, Jeremy briefly wondered when he'd gotten so daring and immediately decided he didn't care. James smirked and tilted his head a little.  
"My place?"

**Well, Whatcha thinking so far? I'm loving where this is going, my mind is racing with creative ideas. Come 3am, I will feel like a genius (or an insomniac. One of the two.) I do hope your all enjoying this story, please remember to review!  
**

**P.S. I notice I'm doing some fairly large valentine's day bashing here. I apologise for that, but I'm used to spending most valentine's alone myself, and I really feel it is over commercialised and quite a rubbish holiday. If I'm with somebody this valentine's day then whoop, I'll take back what I said. **


	3. Chapter 3

**I am so, so sorry for letting this go. I can't believe how long I haven't updated for. My deepest apologies :( Luckily, summer is on the way! So I should have more time for writing, updating and generally being there to reply to all comments, etc. :L Anyway, I left y'all on a bit of a cliff hanger last chapter… I have had very little inspiration to write this, I have to be honest. I just want to make sure I do a good job. Well, Hope you enjoy!  
Disclaimer: Own nothing, chapter 1 for more details.**

**Chapter 3.**

James couldn't believe what he was doing, could scarcely believe what he'd just done. But he hadn't started it, so he couldn't be blamed if things went wrong, right? Pausing to unlock the front door, he felt two hands grips his waist, hot breath on his neck and a whisper in his ear.  
"Come on, I don't want to wait for you any longer." Groaning, the longer haired man fumbled with the keys for a minute before managing to push the door open, spin round and pull Jeremy inside his house, kissing the older man while he did so. The taller of the two was initially surprised at the sudden ferocity, but he wasn't about to stop things from heating up. Smirking at how eagerly James pulled him upstairs, Jeremy started undoing his own clothes and appreciated the view he had of James doing exactly the same.

Pulling Jeremy down onto his bed, James straddled the older mans waist and then paused for a moment. Up to know, he'd been extremely confident. But he'd never really done anything like this before… Obviously he wasn't a virgin, but he'd always been with women. Luckily, it seemed Jeremy knew enough fro the both of them and had though to bring supplies. Feeling wet hands and a hot mouth trail across his body, James allowed himself to be pushed underneath the older man as he lay back and let sensations take over.

*Insert your own content here. Use your imagination. Have fun with it.*

Afterwards, panting and sweating together in bed, James thought that perhaps the evening hadn't been as bad as he'd expected. He could have always gone home alone of course.  
Jeremy's thoughts were even more gleeful than his younger lovers. Finally, all his hard work and effort paid off for something! Reminding himself to thank Richard tomorrow, he pulled the covers over both of their bodies and drifted off. It had been a long and satisfying night.

**I couldn't make my own lemon. I'm sorry! *Dodges bits of car and sharp objects* I couldn't do it! I would have been awful and done a really bad job, so I thought I would let you just imagine what you want there… Plus some people's idea of a lemon is another person's soft love scene. There are some minds so far in the gutters they have forgotten what sunlight looks like! ;) Of course not me! :L Well, I hope you enjoy this small scene anyway, I'll try updating more tomorrow. Review! **


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